Hello internet!  Old pony here.  Sorry, I'm working on my First Most Amazing Return Post.  In the meantime, check out my Tumblr.  Mostly pictures of dogs.  Sorry in advance.

PS.  Adult braces HAHAHAHAHA.

My Worst Idea Ever

Sometimes, I have really great ideas.

Like when I decided to bake the football team a batch of chocolate chip cookies in high school, mysteriously close to the day they had to vote for homecoming queen, and then... I won football homecoming queen.  See?  That was a good idea.

Or the time I switched career goals from "rancher" (my dream job in kindergarten) to "dentist."  Also a good idea.

But other times, I have ideas that are not so good.

Like the time a toothbrush company accidentally made their toothbrushes cost $0 with $0 shipping on their website, so I ordered 2,000 just to see what would happen.

And they showed up on my porch.

All 2,000 of them.

On a PALLET.  DELIVERED BY A SEMI TRUCK.

Recently, I had yet another hare-brained idea.

Let me present to you my latest idea...

Adult braces.

Adult braces are all the rage.  If you weren't aware, they make you absolutely irresistible to the opposite sex.

"Oh sure," I thought.  "I have pretty straight teeth...  But, I'll just get braces and it'll take 5-6 months to rotate this tooth a little this way, and this tooth a little this way.  No big deal.  Then my teeth will be perfectly straight!"

I didn't think about the part where I would have a lisp for an entire 5-6 months.  Or the part where I would get a 2" piece of pita bread jammed in my bracket at lunch and walk around all day talking to people with the pita bread flapping to and fro as I speak.

You can't see them at all...

Which is a good thing and a bad thing.  Now people just think I randomly woke up with a lisp.  I feel like I have to preface everything I say with, "I just got braces...  And am having a hard time forming words..."

I even woke up with giant zit this morning, as if my body doesn't know how to react to my metal mouth, and wonders if I am morphing back into a 15 year old.

On the plus side, I can hardly eat anything solid, and it takes me forever to chew my food.  I may have found a wonderful way to sculpt my bod for bikini season.  Except for the fact that I'll probably just eat milkshakes all the time because I can't chew solids, and wind up gaining 50lb.

Fat with braces.

Make that fat with braces, and a lisp.  With pita bread dangling off my canine.

See?  Sometimes my ideas are not so good.

Leaky Pipes and Meat Towers

As it turns out, I will be a dentist one day, after all!

Now I just have to pass WREB, which is a clinical exam where my ability to do a root canal, filling, and cleaning is evaluated.  Yet another hoop to jump through.  As if I haven't already been through enough TORTURE.

In other news...  I found out that a seemingly small hole in your plumbing can do some serious damage. I also found out that expensive new homes are often ghetto-rigged.

Instead of using a 90 degree attachment piece that costs approximately fifty cents, they simply bent this pipe to make it fit.  Over time, the stress in the bent area caused it to break down, forming a hole, springing a leak, and flooding a bedroom and closet.

Molly wasn't too concerned about it.

Spent Sunday drowning in mimosas at a new brunch spot.  $1 mimosas and lots of meaty breakfasts.  Count me in.  CARNIVORES UNITE.

My breakfast was a mountain of hash browns, chop steak, sausage, and pepper gravy.  There are few things I love more in life than a tower of meats.

The weekend ended with Jekyll & Hyde, the musical.  Jason says, "It was like a bad ride at Disneyland."  The lead guy was from American Idol (apparently he made it pretty far to the end?), but I like to think I sound better than him singing in the shower.

My favorite part was when the odd gentleman who sat beside me offered me a piece of his chocolate bar.  Maybe I was staring at it a little too hard.

Needless to say, SPARE YOURSELF the $50, 3 hours, and pain & anguish and don't see this musical.  I left feeling on the brink of seizure from the over-done special effects, and with a migraine from suffering through the poor vocals.  And a bit sad because I didn't take that guy's chocolate bar.

Sunday NoFun Day

Last night, I had a few too many of these...

.

And made a few bad decisions.

So, my day started out with damage control.

Okay, I lied.  I actually took that picture after yesterday's run.

Today I didn't run as far, so I posted this picture instead because it is more impressive.

Then, lots of lounging and lots of Real Housewives of Atlanta.

Learned the term "donkey booty."  Considered naming my blog after it.

Then, cooked some dinner.

Sometimes, healthy dinners do not look very appetizing.

This is one of those times.

Two grossest things on the planet:

1) Artichokes

2) The clear, thin casing on the outside of sausage that holds it together.

Already heading to bed at 7:30pm -- full day of teeth tomorrow!