My Worst Idea Ever

Sometimes, I have really great ideas.

Like when I decided to bake the football team a batch of chocolate chip cookies in high school, mysteriously close to the day they had to vote for homecoming queen, and then... I won football homecoming queen.  See?  That was a good idea.

Or the time I switched career goals from "rancher" (my dream job in kindergarten) to "dentist."  Also a good idea.

But other times, I have ideas that are not so good.

Like the time a toothbrush company accidentally made their toothbrushes cost $0 with $0 shipping on their website, so I ordered 2,000 just to see what would happen.

And they showed up on my porch.

All 2,000 of them.

On a PALLET.  DELIVERED BY A SEMI TRUCK.

Recently, I had yet another hare-brained idea.

Let me present to you my latest idea...

Adult braces.

Adult braces are all the rage.  If you weren't aware, they make you absolutely irresistible to the opposite sex.

"Oh sure," I thought.  "I have pretty straight teeth...  But, I'll just get braces and it'll take 5-6 months to rotate this tooth a little this way, and this tooth a little this way.  No big deal.  Then my teeth will be perfectly straight!"

I didn't think about the part where I would have a lisp for an entire 5-6 months.  Or the part where I would get a 2" piece of pita bread jammed in my bracket at lunch and walk around all day talking to people with the pita bread flapping to and fro as I speak.

You can't see them at all...

Which is a good thing and a bad thing.  Now people just think I randomly woke up with a lisp.  I feel like I have to preface everything I say with, "I just got braces...  And am having a hard time forming words..."

I even woke up with giant zit this morning, as if my body doesn't know how to react to my metal mouth, and wonders if I am morphing back into a 15 year old.

On the plus side, I can hardly eat anything solid, and it takes me forever to chew my food.  I may have found a wonderful way to sculpt my bod for bikini season.  Except for the fact that I'll probably just eat milkshakes all the time because I can't chew solids, and wind up gaining 50lb.

Fat with braces.

Make that fat with braces, and a lisp.  With pita bread dangling off my canine.

See?  Sometimes my ideas are not so good.